inb4 someone comes along saying they love gfetti and robo hats

I'll have you know the titanium pillar of hats is a modern engineering marvel, with over 3 metal hats perfectly balanced on each other. This luxurious hat shows that not only can you wear three hats at once, but your thick skull can also support over 100 pounds of titanium. That should be enough to crush your relatively small brain (If you have one anyway.) In addition to this your hats seem to shower an endless supply of green useless (Although cool) confetti over your head, making it very hard for you to kill other mercenaries or see in general. Because of all these reasons and many more, this hat is not cancerous and is the absolute best hat I have ever layed my eyes on.